Born For This

I used to be kind of disappointed as I grew up that I never really had one, true passion.

I didn't have my THING.

I got to college and took a variety of classes to try to get a feel for ME- what did I want to DO? I didn’t know!

I felt too darn well-rounded.

I wanted a Passion, something that was just ME, something I could get EXCITED about!

Now, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. That was a given. I always wanted to get a degree, too, and I'm glad I did. But it was never a career I wanted. I unapologetically wanted to be a mom.

And it was only after I got to be one that I realized:

This is it. This is totally it.

My passion!

When I held my first baby after an extremely hard birth, I worried my utter exhaustion would prevent me from feeling anything. But everything else faded away except her, and I’d never felt ANYTHING like it.

I joke that the heavens opened and I heard the "Hallelujah" chorus.

But seriously! In that moment, something remarkable happened. My life suddenly made sense. I mean, REALLY made SENSE. I felt a surety in who I am that I never felt before.

And the universe whispered in my ear, "Yes. This is what you were born to do." 

My purpose.

I felt it with each child.

I’d think of that Carly Rae Jepsen song, 

"Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad. I missed you so, so bad."

I didn't know it, but I was missing each of them bad.

So, so bad.

Lately I’ve been thinking about all the things on my plate, trying to balance it all, pondering what I really need to focus on. 

When the kids were younger, they demanded attention. They needed me all the time! This stage of life brings more freedom for other pursuits, both meaningful & mindless.

Yesterday it hit me, hard- in my list of priorities, I’ve been missing the MOST important, obvious thing.

Those kids, THEY are IT. My divine mission! My purpose! Do they KNOW that? They’re older, but they still need me! In ways NOW more than EVER. Am I giving them enough of me?

I cried.

“Hold your soul very still, and listen... Follow the noble, intuitive feelings planted deep within your souls by Deity in the previous world.” -Elder Faust

Everything else fades away.

Time to shift focus.