Write at the Heart

Every week when we’d visit my grandparents, my oma would ask if I brought my piano books so I could play for her. If I’m honest, it annoyed me a bit because I really just wanted to watch TV. But we were close and I loved her dearly, so I played. She was on dialysis, and it wasn’t going well. The sicker she got, the softer she spoke, and with her thick German accent it became so hard to communicate! I felt so frustrated because she’d try to talk to me and I could barely understand her. But when I played music, we were on the same page. We understood. I started playing for her every chance I could. Sometimes she’d start sobbing in the middle of a song, startling me. I remember specifically she would cry when I played “Traumerei” by Schumann. “Traumerei” means “dreaming” in German. She’d say, “It’s so beautiful.” It still chokes me up. I saw music differently. It connected us. Oma was dying, and she wanted me to play. That was what she wanted from me in that last bit of time she had on ea...

  The phrase “Lift up your head” has been running through my mind all week. With their faith and their very lives at stake, Nephi was “exceedingly sorrowful” and “cried mightily to the Lord” 3 Ne 1:10,12) And then, a voice: “Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world” (13) I wish I could see Nephi’s reaction! Did he shout for joy? Did he cry with gratitude? Did his heart race at the reality that the Savior was about to be born? Did he run to reassure the believers that everything would be all right? Did he think, I’ve been waiting my whole life for this! Did he say to himself, I KNEW IT! I KNEW He would come! We’ve all looked down in sorrow. We’ve all carried heavy burdens. Maybe it’s weakness, shame, guilt. Maybe we feel unloved. Doubt. Fear. Anger. Powerless. Disappointed. Stuck. Confused. Twisted inside out in this upside down world. Darkness. So many reasons to look ...

Have you ever had ongoing struggles with something, despite your efforts, and you’re like, am I just not PRAYING hard enough?! I wonder if Nephi had similar thoughts as he walked to his home, “much cast down.” He’d tried and tried to get people to listen without much success. Did he think, maybe I'm just not a good missionary anymore? Where are the angels, the hundreds of converts? It happened before, so where is it now? Maybe I've just lost it! Am I doing something wrong? Or maybe he was doing everything right, and the Lord’s definition of success is different than ours. During Nephi’s pondering, God tells him, “Blessed art thou, Nephi, for those things which thou hast done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word... thou hast not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will, and to keep my commandments" Hel. 10:4 “I have beheld”! I SEE YOU. I SEE what you've done. I SEE that you're trying! I KNOW YOU. You’...

Seeing is believing.  Isn’t it?   As Nephi preaches to the people and prophesies about the murder of the chief judge, we have three kinds of people: -Those who believed without seeing. They knew all of Nephi’s words were true. -Those who believed only after seeing with their own eyes Nephi’s prophesy was, indeed, true. -Those who never believed, even after seeing. “Notwithstanding that great miracle which Nephi had done in telling them concerning the death of the chief judge, they did harden their hearts and did not hearken unto the words of the Lord." We see these types of people, don’t we? -People with amazing faith, who believe and follow the prophet, the scriptures, the Spirit, without question. They act in complete faith. They simply believe, and this exercise of faith allows them to “see.” -People who wonder and doubt, who need to see some things with their own eyes. Who say IF this, THEN I will believe. And they do! -People who, “notwithstanding so many evidences w...

During the long drive to our new home in January, we stopped briefly in Nauvoo. My husband and I were immediately struck by the feeling in that place! The spirit of Nauvoo is incredibly special, tangible, sacred. I felt encircled by the past and the people who lived there. Their whispers, their strength, their sorrow, their faith.  I felt the Saints there. I think it’s interesting that as Nephi is lamenting about the wickedness happening around him, he reflects on the faith of his ancestors. “Oh, that I could have had my days in the days when my father Nephi first came out of the land of Jerusalem, that I could have joyed with him in the promised land... Yea, if my days could have been in those days, then would my soul have had joy in the righteousness of my brethren.” Hel. 7 Along with his namesakes, he talks of Moses, Abraham, Zenos, and more, testifying and rejoicing in Christ. He longs to rejoice with them. It’s special to rejoice with others who share your beliefs. That k...

We visited Niagara Falls a couple weeks ago. Everyone was excited except my 6-year-old, who sobbed on the way there! Poor kid was still traumatized by our canoe incident a few weeks ago (it tipped & he fell out). So when he found out we were going on a boat, he was terrified. After a million questions (does the boat go fast? Does the boat go down a waterfall? Is the water deep?) we calmed him down. He bravely stepped on the boat and LOVED it all, afterwards declaring that it was “the best thing I’ve done in this world!” Niagara Falls is incredible! It’s an adrenaline rush just standing next to it! You can’t help but feel awe at its power. Funny how water can be feared and awed, a source of destruction and power. Did you know the power plants at Niagara Falls have the capacity to output 4.9 million kilowatts of electricity- the ability to power 3.8 million homes?! As a child, Nikola Tesla imagined harnessing the power of Niagara Falls. His dream came true when he designed the first ...

Let’s talk about hearts! One of my favorite topics! Pride was creeping “into the hearts of the people who professed to belong to the church of God” Hel 3:33 They began persecuting other members of the church. “Nevertheless,” those being persecuted “did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.” Isn’t that so beautiful? They were sanctified, or made sacred, through “yielding their hearts unto God.” Like, take my heart! It is in your hands! I will do your will! I know you can make more out of me than I can. I trust you! I’m ready. He has given us so much. What can we give in return other than our hearts? In Helaman 5 it says Nephi “yielded up the judgment seat.” Why would he do that? HUGE fights have erupted over the ...