Write at the Heart

When Ether warned Coriantumr & his people to repent and prophesied very specific things that would happen if he didn’t, I can only imagine what Coriantumr thought. Things are fine! I’m the king! I’m skilled in the art of war & cunning in the ways of the world! (Eth. 13:16) Why would I need God? In fact, I’m gonna try to kill you for even suggesting it! (22) And then he battled Shared,  then battled Gilead,  then lost the throne,  then battled Lib,  then battled Shiz aka Worst Guy Ever, obtained awful wounds, nearly died,  and witnessed the deaths of his people, 2 million men, women, and children. It was then he realized that everything Ether prophesied YEARS earlier was coming to pass. And ONLY then, in the middle of this absolute nightmare, Coriantumr “began to remember the words which Ether had spoken unto him.” (15:1)  ONLY then, after SO much blood & carnage, he “began to sorrow in his heart” (2) & “began to repent of the evil which he had done” (3) Why only then! W

Total darkness. My kids had never felt such suffocating, utter darkness before. It was the first thing they talked about when we got out of the cave... We visited some caverns a couple days ago. It was amazing; stalactites, stalagmites, crystals, columns! During the tour, our guide asked us if we wanted to know what it was like in there without light. And with a single switch, he cast us into blackness. “Whoa!” I heard my kids exclaim.  It is such a strange feeling waiting for eyes to adjust that will never adjust. I’m not claustrophobic, but after a few seconds even I felt my heart rate go up. He told us to wave our hands in front of our faces. Nothing! It’s an eerie, helpless feeling. He turned the lights back on, and I could breathe again. A teenage farmhand actually discovered those caverns back in the late 1800s. The landowner saw 💰 and immediately opened it for business!  In those early days, the tourists weren’t allowed to bring their own light. Instead, they had to borrow a nu

A few years ago we talked to the kids about weaknesses. I asked them, "What is a weakness?"  My little girl answered, "Like, if you're not good at gluing?” 😂 I immediately envisioned someone throwing their glue stick across the room wailing, "I JUST CAN'T DO IT! WHY CAN'T I BE A GOOD GLUER LIKE SUSIE?” If only my weakness was as simple as not being a good gluer! Awhile ago, I was NOT doing well. I found myself face to face with a whole list of my inadequacies. Like they all decided to surface at the SAME TIME. I was caught in this weird place where I was simultaneously growing and becoming a better person in some areas, but failing miserably in others. The gap felt colossal. And despite those positive strides in the direction I wanted to go- those dang weaknesses almost debilitated me. One night while listening to me sob, my husband tenderly & earnestly told me STRUGGLE IS GOOD. IT’S OK TO STRUGGLE. I let that sink in. And felt relief. It is OK to r

Anyone else’s head spinning after reading 28 generations of history crammed into Ether 7-11? There’s rebellion, murder, war, famine, poisonous serpents, secret combinations (that dang daughter of Jared!) whoredoms, dysfunctional families (makes your family look pretty good, eh?), captivity & more captivity (brother of Jared called it!) There’s also peace, prosperity, humility, repentance, mercy, courageous rescues (sons of Shule🙌🏼), hard work & industry, rejoicing, righteousness. Plus a whole lot of childbearing in really old age (tell me you didn’t notice this). 😆 I mean, it’d make a great mini-series. There’s SO much info that Moroni has to pick just a FEW things to say about each major character. Some only get one line!  Things like “he did not reign in righteousness” or “he did that which was good in the sight of the Lord.” It got me thinking- when all is said and done, if my whole life had to be summarized, what would be MY one line? How would I go down in the chapters

Every time I log onto Family Search, there is a thirst that comes over me. A thirst for more. I want to know everything about everyone. The Spirit envelopes me. I cry when I look at pictures, I am moved when I read documents, interviews, life sketches. I’m in awe thinking of their handcarts across the plains, footprints of blood in the snow, starvation. I think of others during the horrors of war, seeing their homes bombed, coming by boat to this country. I see their faith! How did they keep it? I have it because of them! I am grateful for where I come from. When the brother of Jared’s son, Orihah, became king (cause no one else would!), it says the people began to get rich. (Eth. 6:28)  OH NO! Pride cycle!  But “Orihah did walk humbly before the Lord, and did remember how great things the Lord had done for his father, and also taught his people how great things the Lord had done for their fathers.” (30) What a pleasant surprise! He didn’t let the blessings of his fathers fade away.  I

I’m grateful for tender mercies!  When the Jaredites FINALLY make it to shore, they “bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them.” (Eth. 6:12)  Elder Bednar described tender mercies as those “very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.” Tender mercies have the power to change everything.  My husband served as a bishop for almost 6 years. I cherish that time! There were ups & downs, but so many more ups! However, that first year was particularly rough. I had my last baby, which meant I had 6 kids age 8 & under (Crazytown😆) plus some other struggles that came with being a bishop’s wife. At the end of that first year, an invitation came from the newly called st

I’m SURE the Jaredites did not sing EVERY day of their 344-day journey while tossed around at sea, stuck in barges, eating who knows what, separated from friends, with minimal personal space, no nature, nowhere to escape, no end in sight, no Google Maps telling them their estimated arrival time, not to mention a questionable plumbing situation...  And I’m SURE not ALL of them sang, I mean, there’s gotta be that guy in the corner wondering how he got trapped in the von Trapp family...  Or maybe they did?! “And they did sing praises to the Lord; yes, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord” (Eth. 6:9) They sang through the wind. They sang DURING THE TRIAL. Who does that? The Jaredites. And my mom.  A few years ago she helped me train for my first marathon. I woke up the morning of our scheduled 18-mile run to an actual blizzard. But I knew my mom, and she sto

Late one winter night, my husband & I were driving home from Salt Lake with two of our kids & sister-in-law. We hit some ice & spun out of control until we landed on the steep muddy bank of a huge ditch. We were shook up, but we were fine! While we called a tow truck, we saw a car hit the cement median, another hit the exit sign, and another clip the car of a guy who’d stopped to check on us. It was wild, like pinball on ice! Thankfully, everyone was okay!  Us girls then walked up the exit to a safe spot while my husband waited in the car for the tow truck. While in the car, he said a prayer of thanks, then felt prompted to put his seatbelt on again. A second later, a truck sliding at freeway speed crashed into him head-on. Remarkably, he was fine (a few days of sore ribs) & so was the truck driver. In fact, hitting our car stopped his from tumbling into the water-filled ditch. A MINUTE later the tow truck arrived... just in time to take our now totaled car to the junk

When my daughter was 4, she exclaimed one day, "I can't believe Jesus MADE me!!” It was so random, I laughed & said, “I know!"  To which she responded thoughtfully, "He's a sweet guy." 😂 I had a horrible relationship with my body as a teenager. I struggled with disordered eating and my self esteem was trapped on a rollercoaster with ups & downs depending on what I THOUGHT I saw in the mirror each day.  Thankfully that is WAY behind me. I don’t even know that girl anymore! Much of the healing came from recognizing JUST what my daughter exclaimed: He Made Me. Receiving this body was part of my eternal plan. I fought for it. I shouted for joy for it. It is the vessel that carries my spirit. It is the instrument of God, helping fulfill His purpose. It is not something to be despised. It is a gift! I am so grateful for what it can do! “Our entire perspective of ourselves, our worth, and what we can make of our lives is altered for good when we come to un

It occurred to me...  Maybe WE are the stones. Regular old rocks. BUT- we wanted more. So we made a choice, long ago.  We fought for this choice! I think we gave ourselves pep talks... it’s gonna be hard, but we can do it!  We are ready! We won’t be alone! “And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea” (Ether 2:25) We came prepared! Prepared to be molten rock. To be refined, shaped, & polished... into glass. But that’s not all! It’s dark down here. We came prepared to be touched by the finger of God. We came prepared to be LIGHT. Can we TRULY be changed? We are regular rocks! Can He do it? “I know, O Lord, that thou hast all power, and can do whatsoever thou wilt for the benefit of man; therefore, touch these stones, O Lord, with thy finger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness... that we may have light while we shall cross the sea” (3:4) He has the power to change! We have the

The first time I remember reading that the brother of Jared was chastened by the Lord- for THREE hours- I was like, wait, wait, back up the trolley, what?! The brother of Jared? The guy known for the stones of light, the guy who saw the finger of God, and ultimately, God? The guy to whom the Lord said, “Never has man come before me with such exceeding faith as thou hast” (Ether 3:9)? The man who “could not be kept from within the veil” (3:20)?  My mind was blown. You mean, like, the brother of Jared wasn’t PERFECT? He “remembered not to call upon the name of the Lord” (2:14), he forgot to... pray? It was like I’d never read that part of scripture before. For 4 years the journey halted at the seashore. For 4 years their progression ceased. For 4 years they didn’t think to call upon God. I have so many questions about those years. What were they doing?? All we know is it at the end of those 4 years, the Lord came down to chasten the brother of Jared.  And he immediately repented. (2:15)

Uprooting our family and moving cross country for no other reason other than we felt prompted to was not easy, and I couldn’t help but compare our experience to the Jaredites’ move. While we didn't have to gather a bunch of flocks (Ether 2:1), we did gather all our things, And while we didn't have to "lay snares and catch fowls of the air" (2:2), we did pack food, And while we didn't have to build barges, we did prepare our vessels (2)— two vehicles stuffed to the brim! Oh, we prayed they’d make it! And while we didn't carry fish or bees with us (2:2-3), we did carry our cat, And while we didn't travel in the "wilderness,” (2:5) we did travel many miles of freeway in winter conditions, And while we didn't pitch any tents (2:13), we did stay in hotels, And okay, while our journey really was NOTHING like the Jaredites’ journey, We DID "cry unto him whither we shall go" (1:38) just as they did. The Lord DID hear us, just as he heard the bro

Fall kinda stresses me out. As soon as I see those first colors make their grand appearance, I’m half happy gushing over the season and half heartbroken thinking of its end. Alas, it always does, despite my pleadings! Goodbye Fall, goodbye. But... of course I know it’s not the end. The leaves will be back. They will! You know what else comes back? Hair. Today I tried to trim side bangs & in an unfortunate series of events, I accidentally cut WAY TOO MUCH.  So now I resemble my 4th grade self.  It’s fine. 🤦‍♀️ But guess what- hair grows back! It is not the end! “Has the end come yet? Behold I say unto you, Nay; and God had not ceased to be a God of miracles.” (Mormon 9:15) Those words stood out to me this week! Whatever happens in life, we can be assured it is NOT the end. Things may look bleak for awhile. But this is the 2nd act in a 3-act play. There is always hope! Rob Gardner’s album “The Lamb of God” is so touching, and I recently listened to “Here is Hope,” meant to be sung b

When my daughter was 4, she went through a phase where she hugged random people everywhere we went. It was cute and scary at the same time. 😆 One day we were at the store and there was an old man holding a nutcracker. Delighted, she ran up to him and exclaimed, "That's a nutcracker!" He said, yes it is, and then she THREW her arms around him. I cringed a bit! He looked surprised and then smiled. Then he said, "I haven't had someone hug me in a long time!"  ❤️ As we left, my daughter shouted after him, "You're the best!" (And then we had a talk about boundaries & strangers, ha!) It's funny how young kids have no preconceived notions. Too often I avoid eye contact with others, and yet kids don’t think twice about it. They unabashedly stare! They’re curious & sincere, (& in some cases very open about their affection!) They notice others! I felt a prick in my heart as I read what Moroni saw about our day. He saw us "walk in th

A couple years ago I witnessed the sweetest elderly couple be sealed to their deceased parents, he to his parents, and she to hers. I’ll never forget it! As I sat there, the thought occurred to me: nobody could ever pay me any amount of money to say that nothing was happening in that room. I couldn’t do it. Something happened in there, something incredible. Something that reached beyond this earthly experience & sent me reeling at the power of it all, reminding me that temples are SO much more than beautiful buildings. We read in Mormon 8:14, “The plates thereof are of no worth... but the record thereof is of great worth” Joseph Smith’s life was in danger many times as his enemies tried to steal the plates. What they saw was RICHES. Gold! Definitely worth something! But if only they knew!! If only they knew the gold was nothing compared to what was written on it! If only they knew “the truths of the Book of Mormon have the power to heal, comfort, restore, succor, strengthen, consol

I used to be kind of disappointed as I grew up that I never really had one, true passion. I didn't have my THING. I got to college and took a variety of classes to try to get a feel for ME- what did I want to DO? I didn’t know! I felt too darn well-rounded. I wanted a Passion, something that was just ME, something I could get EXCITED about! Now, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. That was a given. I always wanted to get a degree, too, and I'm glad I did. But it was never a career I wanted. I unapologetically wanted to be a mom. And it was only after I got to be one that I realized: This is it. This is totally it. My passion! When I held my first baby after an extremely hard birth, I worried my utter exhaustion would prevent me from feeling anything. But everything else faded away except her, and I’d never felt ANYTHING like it. I joke that the heavens opened and I heard the "Hallelujah" chorus. But seriously! In that moment, something remarkable happened. My life sud

I need to add something to my last post about how Mormon could go on despite everything. PURPOSE. He knew his purpose: Help others come to Christ. On the outside looking in, boy, does it look like he failed! On the contrary! While he could not help his own people, He has helped millions of us. The Book of Mormon has helped millions of us! As I read Mormon and Moroni's words,  I FEEL GOOSEBUMPS! "Therefore I write unto you, Gentiles...   that ye may believe the gospel of Jesus Christ, which ye shall have among you; (Morm 3:17, 21) And Moroni's-"Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not. But behold, Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing." (8:35) They write to ME. They speak to US. They warn US. They bear testimony to US. Their last days of loneliness & sorrow were spent writing &  abridging records for US. They buried them, unburied them, and buried them again FOR US. "...having been commanded of the Lord t

HOW did Mormon continue on? His “heart did begin to rejoice within” for them” (Mormon 2:12) only to have “sorrow...return unto me again.” (2:15)  He saw “willful” (1:16) and “open rebellion.” (2:25)  He saw “blood and carnage spread throughout... the land.” (2:8) He saw them “curse God,” “boast in their own strength,” and “swear before the heavens.” (3:9-10)  He saw “they delighted in the shedding of blood continually” (4:11) He saw them “struggle for their lives without calling upon that Being who created them.” (5:2) He “was without hope” for them. (5:2) Oh, my heart just aches for Mormon! What more could he do for them? To know “they were once a delightsome people, and they had Christ for their shepherd” (5:17) no wonder his soul was “rent with anguish,” crying, “O ye fair ones, how could ye have rejected that Jesus, who stood with open arms to receive you!” (6:16-17) How could he continue on? How could he move forward amidst so much sorrow? How do WE do this, too? If “men are that