Write at the Heart

“I’m just horrible! I shouldn’t be in this family!” That’s what my 8-year-old yelled a few weeks ago after getting in trouble. I cried to my husband: I’m gonna fail her, I’m gonna push her away, she’s gonna end up hating me. And I prayed to God: Help me be a better mom to her! Help me to have the right balance of compassion & discipline! Give me patience & instruction! I can’t do this alone. And a memory came to mind when she was 2. It had been another rough day. I prayed to feel better. I pleaded for reassurance I was doing something right.  Well, nothing big happened. I remember that evening I was still feeling blah. WHERE WAS MY SIGN? Did God even hear me?  Then that 2-year-old came up to me & told me, "Mama bed.” And she put me to bed & crawled in next to me. I went with it! We closed our eyes, peeked, & laughed. It was the most hilarious thing ever. (I WAS tired.) We did it over & over. Finally, she fell asleep. As I listened to her breathing next ...

A few years ago, a bright rainbow filled the sky. My son asked me how to find the end so he could check for a pot of gold. I gently explained to him that it wasn’t possible. He insisted that surely the fastest man in the world could find it!  I’m like- that's not how it works! He kept persisting, so I said, "You know what? I'll show you. Let's go find it!" “Really??” "REALLY!" The kids were SO EXCITED! I felt like the coolest mom in the world. We piled in the van & took off down the street. We chased that rainbow! The kids narrated the location of the rainbow as we went. "It's under those trees! Go that way!" We’d get closer & of course the rainbow would slip farther back. "It's right above those houses! Go to those houses!"  But that darn rainbow kept moving! The kids were floored. “HOW does it DO that?"  This way! That way! Finally, I pulled over on one last street. It was only us & the rainbow, nestled in a...

The scriptures say that the Holy Ghost “giveth utterance, that you may stand as a witness of the things of which you shall both hear and see” (D&C 14:8) The Spirit gives us UTTERANCE, or, “the spoken word; the action of saying or expressing something aloud.” (Oxford) He gives us feelings & knowledge so deep & real we want to express it. There is power in this! It’s what testimony meeting is all about. Our “utterance” may not be loud or eloquent. It may not appear to make a difference or convince anyone. But utter anyway. “As the world speaks less of Jesus Christ, let us speak more of Him.” (Elder Andersen) Add your voice to the witnesses of God’s light.  When Paul defends himself to King Agrippa, he describes who he was & what he did before his vision. It was not pretty! But then came his life-changing experience. Jesus told him, “Rise, and stand upon thy feet: for I have appeared unto thee for this purpose, to make thee a minister and a witness... to open their eye...

“His love enkindled upon our souls.”  Such a beautiful phrase from Oliver Cowdery after an amazing spiritual experience. I also know the feeling. I felt it during sacrament meeting yesterday, my heart pounding & tears filling my eyes.  I felt it as my 11-year-old son and I wished each other good luck on the lessons we were each about to teach- his very first lesson to the deacons as their class president. I felt it as I read a sweet letter left on my bed from my teenage son, just telling me he loves me and that I’m a great mom.  I felt it as I drove my oldest around while she delivered cupcakes to girls in her YW class & bravely stepped up to doorsteps of those she doesn’t know well. I know the kind of small courage that takes. I told her: never suppress a generous thought. I felt it as we came home from cupcake delivering and found everyone straightening up the house and setting the table cause the two younger girls thought it would be nice. I felt it as my 7-yea...

It’s been a rough & emotionally exhausting week, & I’ve thought a lot about this scripture: “Behold, I am God; give heed to my word, which is quick & powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword, to the dividing asunder of both joints & marrow” (D&C 12:2)  Describing the word of God as “quick and powerful” is also in D&C 6, 11, 14, 27, 33, Helaman 3, & Hebrews 4.  Did you know the word “quick” can also refer to “living” or “made alive” (Index to Triple Comb)?  I love that. Because not only are the scriptures themselves ALIVE, POWERFUL, STRONG, as they cut through & “divide asunder all the cunning & the snares & the wiles of the devil” (Hel. 3:29),  reading them makes ME feel ALIVE, POWERFUL, STRONG, as I cut through the shallow & fluff, lies & deceit, hate & darkness. The older I get, the more I LOVE the scriptures! With everything I am. They fill my soul, soothe my pain, awake my heart, settle my mind, remind me WHAT I...

The other day I asked my 1st grader what he did at recess & who his friends were. He was like, “I play with everyone. Cause I’m friends with almost everyone.” Then, with realization, “Actually, I AM friends with everyone!” He was so sincere! He meant it. I thought of it yesterday when he came home from school with this art project. Isn’t it the sweetest? Do we strive to be friends with everyone? Is it possible? We are commanded to make it possible! The first commandment is love God with all our hearts, souls, minds. “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matt. 22:39) ALL other commandments support those first two! “Keep my commandments, and seek to bring forth & establish the cause of Zion” (D&C 12:6) This is repeated in three other sections! What is the cause of Zion? “The Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart & one mind, & dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them” (Moses 7:18) “For this is...

In 17 years of marriage, I never saw him suffer as much pain as when his big brother died. Anyone that knew him loved him. He was the embodiment of goodness. He was witty & smart, kind & happy. He was  my husband’s rock, his example, his biggest supporter, his best friend. What would he do without him? The moment he was diagnosed with cancer, I wondered this. For 2 years he fought a physical war he would not win. But I watched his spirit grow in strength, courage, & unwavering faith in God! I watched my husband match that faith & hope. All while the cancer spread.  But it did not triumph.  Even in those last few months when he suffered every hour of every day, he never complained. He never asked why. He never stopped smiling & joking. He cared for others more than himself. He loved His Savior. It showed in everything he did. Where most would falter, he withstood. Where there should have been the darkness of despair, there was beaming light.  It tr...

Ever had a mountain of clean laundry in your room so big it was blocking the path to the bathroom forcing you to take a giant leap over it every time you have to go? And then when you finally, FINALLY put that laundry away after a ridiculous amount of time you find yourself STILL leaping for days afterward? Over a pile of NOTHINGNESS? Cause it had become a part of you? Or is that just me? 🤔 Joseph Smith had made a big mistake, that’s for sure. And as a result those 116 pages were lost. And ooohhh yeah, people had plans for those pages! Luckily God had a bigger plan, a plan set in motion years & years before. “I will not suffer that they shall destroy my work; yea, I will show unto them that my wisdom is greater than the cunning of the devil.” (10:43) 🙌 And guess what, God’s plan STILL included Joseph. He tells him, yes, you “lost your gift... and your mind became darkened” (2) but “thou art still chosen, and art again called to the work” (3:10) Still chosen. Still called. So, wha...