Write at the Heart

As we watched a video about Christ on Christmas Eve, I glimpsed my oldest daughter discreetly brushing tears from her eyes. I was feeling the spirit, so I thought she was too. Aw! No. Turns out she’s pretty homesick. It’s been almost a year since we moved, and it’s our first Christmas ever away from extended family. She misses them. She misses her friends. She was not crying out of joy. She was crying cause she was sad. Oh, my heart. I told her it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to let your guard down & take your “happy face” off. It’s okay to struggle sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, or not trying, or unrighteous. It CAN. But sometimes it just means you’re human. I thought about it again tonight when my other daughter had a breakdown while playing a game. She was trying SO hard to be a good sport, but kept losing again & again.  I told her games are about having fun! But she collapsed into an angry heap sobbing, “But this is NOT fun! Not fun AT ALL...

Mary- a young maiden, engaged, never known a man. Elisabeth- “well stricken in years,” (Luke 1:18), married, barren.  Different circumstances, ages, life experiences. Until an angel’s visit changes everything. The impossible is made possible as they both find themselves with child. Not just any children- but spirits prophesied to change the world! Spirits meant to come down only a few months apart. Spirits eternally connected in purpose, one preparing the way for the other. My heart is tender as I think of Mary & Elisabeth! I love that the angel tells Mary her cousin is also pregnant! I love that she went “with haste” (39) to visit Elisabeth! How comforted she must have felt knowing she wasn’t alone in this miraculous conception & divine calling! We don’t know how well they knew each other, how long it’d been since they’d seen each other, but we do know that upon Mary’s greeting, Elisabeth IMMEDIATELY recognizes who Mary’s carrying! “The babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabe...

I have some... insecurities... about letting people into my very imperfect, never-cute-enough, never-clean-enough home! (I blame it on 6 kids!) It’s not like we live in an episode of “Hoarders” or anything- we DO clean! But I always feel a bit vulnerable inviting people into our living space, & I get hyper aware of fingerprints, clutter, dinged up furniture... That said, I’ve come a long way & am trying hard to let go & let people in. Last night we invited friends over for the BYU game. Naturally, we cleaned the house. Well, the FIRST thing my friend asks is if she can use the microwave for the bean dip she was gonna make. WHAT. The microwave?! I died!! The kitchen was clean, but NOT inside the microwave! I KNEW it looked like a bomb went off in there!😳 When I realized there was no way for me to nonchalantly wipe it down without her noticing, I said with embarrassment, “Sure, you can use the microwave! But, um, it’s like REALLY messy!”  And she looked at me & said,...

When I was in high school, a few of us decided to get together after a Christmas choir performance. I followed a friend to a house I’d never been, we had fun, and it was late & foggy when it was time to go. I tried to remember the way I came, but was soon lost. I had no cell phone & no sense of direction. I panicked! Then prayed. Then through the haze I glimpsed the star on the mountain, the star that lit up in my hometown every December since I could remember. I knew that star was right above my house. It looked tiny, so far away, but it was enough. I followed that star home. I remember thinking at the time, “Just like the wise men.” “Lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went ​​before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was. When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.” (Matt. 2:9-10) A few days beforehand, I was a different kind of lost, a different kind of far. I’d written in my high school journal: “What’s wrong with me?! Sometime...

Last night we bought tickets to a Christmas lights drive-thru. We drove the 40 min there, began our wait in the HUGE line to get in, and then while waiting, our tire popped.  FLAT TO THE RIM. Super! We were forced to drive on the rim while trapped in the ginormous line, which felt terrifying! Finally, we were able to pull off to the side to put the spare on while half the kids tried to help & half just bugged each other. It was an ORDEAL. In the rain, no less! My husband said out of all the tires he’s changed, that was THE hardest. But we did it! 2 hours later, wet & dirty, we were ready to see the Christmas lights we’d come to see!  Well, not 1 minute in, we felt a familiar wobbling, and SURE ENOUGH, the SPARE was completely flat to the rim! WHAT THE HECK! Ya kidding me! We were pretty deflated! (Just a little tire humor...) I wanted to cry! What now?! We’d tried so hard to fix it! All for what? While WE were unable to move forward, it seemed like a hundred cars passe...

Confession: The other day I threw my hands up in the air and exclaimed, “Man, I HATE giving!” Not my proudest moment. 😬 What I meant was, I’m not GOOD at giving. Ok, that doesn’t sound better. I stress out a LOT over gifts. Some people are so thoughtful with gifts and know exactly what to give, but when I try, my mind goes blank. Then I procrastinate until I absolutely HAVE to do SOMETHING, and end up giving lame-o gifts & feel bad. “God loveth a cheerful giver” (2 Cor. 9:7) Whoops. Why is giving so hard sometimes? When my 8-year-old was invited to a birthday party last week, I showed her the Trolls LEGO set I bought for her friend. Her face fell! She BEGGED me not to wrap it. She did NOT want to give that gift! Puzzled, I asked why not! She said it looked TOO babyish, then cried while telling me one time at a birthday party the receiver of her gift announced she didn’t like it in front of everyone. My daughter, embarrassed & ashamed, feared it would happen again. She feared r...

I love how Moroni is like- this is true, but don’t take MY word for it! Find out for yourself- with a SINCERE HEART, REAL INTENT, FAITH, & “by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things” (Mor. 10:5) It’s a BOLD promise. I’ve had the opportunity to hear some sacred experiences first-hand from loved ones concerning the other side of the veil; three with near-death experiences & one with her deceased father.  It’s interesting that in all of their accounts, they noted that communication was very different than the way we know it.  From one of them: “What he told me was spirit-to-spirit, a means of which I hadn’t been aware until I experienced it. With spirit-to-spirit there can be NO miscommunication.” SPIRIT TO SPIRIT. Doesn’t it makes sense that the Spirit speaks to us in a language we’d recognize from our premortal life?  Elder Christofferson said, “Faith will not come from the study of ancient texts as a purely academic pursuit. It will not co...