Write at the Heart

I was walking to the school cafeteria when I heard my name on the intercom. I had a message in the office to call home. My oma had died. My beloved oma.  When I got home, I ran to my mom. We held each other & cried. I’d never heard her cry like that before. She said, “My mommy is gone!” That day my opa came to live with us. He was meek, humble, & loved making people laugh. He also suffered from dementia. So sometimes he’d ask in his thick German accent, “Where’s oma? Why am I alone?” It was heartbreaking. One day he asked me. I said, “She’s… gone.”  “At home?” Uhh… “At home up there.” I pointed up. “I have no frau? I am alone?” I can still hear his sorrow. “No, you’re not alone! You have us! And oma is waiting for you.” Solemnly, knowingly, he repeated, “She’s waiting for me.” Then I turned from him & bawled. I felt grief deep in my chest. For him. For me. For my mom. It was too much! I’d heard stories of people who flipped open their scriptures & found exactly...

Four years ago my mom signed me up for a 50-mile bike ride. She then dropped off her old road bike, helmet, gloves, shoes, jersey, & 2 pairs of “specially padded” spandex shorts cause she had upgraded all her stuff & figured, as a long-time biker, it was time to recruit me into biking, too. OKAY THEN, MOM! Thanks! 😁🚴‍♀️ I mean, I learned to ride a bike when I was 5- how hard could road biking be? Turns out there was a bit of a learning curve. Not only did I have to learn how to shift (it was a bit different than my old 10-speed!), I had to learn how to “clip in.” Yeah, did you know that REAL bikers have special shoes that clip onto their pedals, essentially locking their feet right to their bike? Me either! The idea of being locked in to my bike terrified me! But I wanted to be cool like my biker mom & friends! So I practiced while balancing in the hallway. Then I took it outside. And TOTALLY crashed & burned! Twice! (Pro tip: Lean to the correct side when you unclip ...

As a 16-year-old visiting Nauvoo, I sadly stared at the crumbling remains of the temple. It had been built with sacrifice & faith, & then abruptly abandoned by the driven-out Saints. It was soon destroyed by arson fire, & if that wasn’t enough, a tornado took it down shortly after.  It was stripped of its strength, beauty, & purpose for over 150 years. Yet there I stood in front of the incredible Nauvoo temple just a few weeks ago. There I did temple work with my husband & 3 of my children. There it is today, standing tall from the ashes of adversity, rebuilt from William Weeks’ original drawings- which were discovered in a “chance” meeting with some of his ancestors, who then felt strongly they needed to donate the blueprints to the Church. I also recently stood in Carthage Jail, a building quite different than the temple; however, the same powerful spirit! But is it such a surprise? The missionaries told us something I won’t forget: the Church did not acquire ...

 “He is just the WORST at this! Idiot!” A kid on my 7-year-old’s soccer team yelled this within earshot of his teammate, the goalie, who had failed to block the winning goal. That little goalie walked off to the side & slumped in the grass in shame, placing his face in his hands. My mom heart! 💔 When my boy ran over to me, I asked him: “Do you see the goalie on your team? See how sad he is? Will you go tell him that it’s ok?”🙏 He ran right over! As he spoke, the boy’s head snapped up. A grin spread across his face. Then the two of them high-fived.🙌 My son ran back to me, smiling. “I told him it was ok. I said everyone misses sometimes!”  ❤️ In the midst of the Saints’ persecution, the Lord chastens them. He lists off things they’ve done wrong: “Contentions, & envyings, & strifes, & lustful & covetous desires… slow to hearken unto the voice of the Lord… they esteemed lightly my counsel…” (D&C 101:7-8) Yup. Looottts of mistakes.  Yet instead of sh...

I was out with friends when a song came on the restaurant speakers. And I was swept away. To 2008. Sitting in front of my computer blogging about my then 2-year-old & 1-year-old.  Remember when blogs were THE thing? I jumped on that bandwagon! And when it was the “thing” to have blog “playlists,” I jumped on that, too. So with that song, I was TRANSPORTED. To that young mom of 2 typing hilarious & frustrating things about motherhood as she knew it. Oh, the aching nostalgia! Wasn’t I just THERE? How are those 2 babies teenagers?!  HOW do I have only 3 years left with all 6 kids at home under my roof? 3 years left before they start going off into the world. 😭 Am I teaching enough?  Loving enough? Deliberate & present enough? In D&C 93 the Lord says, “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light & truth” (40) THEN he rebukes Joseph Smith, Frederick Williams, Sidney Rigdon, & Newel Whitney. He tells them to repent, forsake some things, ...