Write at the Heart

My scripture study has been less than stellar lately & I don’t have any recent deep personal insights, to be honest. The month of May is crazy. Life is a roller coaster. So many good desires. Failing at most. Can’t seem to get it together. Last week halfway through our stake conference meeting, I realized I was not getting much out of it. I was drowsy. Disengaged. Disappointed. I prayed right then. “Please help me get something out of this. I know I should have been more prepared. Maybe it’s not too late?” I didn’t expect much. But to my surprise, there it was. Not a moment later. I felt it. WHAT CHANGED? Not the speaker. Not the subject. Not the setting. It was actually there all along. I just opened the way to receive it. And when we sang the hymn: “Where Can I Turn For Peace?” the 3rd verse hit me: “He answers privately, Reaches my reaching In my Gethsemane, Savior & Friend. Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching. Constant he is & kind Love without end.” REACHES MY

She didn’t want to do track & field. But she needed a gym credit. She was SO nervous & WAY out of her comfort zone. Week after week, running & more running. She started to believe in herself. The meets were even going ok! I loved watching her be brave. Then her coach put her in the 2-miler for the home meet. She cried. SHE WAS SCARED. She hadn’t trained for that distance! She knew she was going to be WAY last & completely embarrass herself! I knew she could do it. I prayed for her to know, too. In her words (that she shared in church today): “On the day of the meet, I was terrified & did not think I could finish the 8 laps. I prayed a lot & when it was my event, I felt a calm. I started running & I felt good. I knew the spirit was with me. I could feel it as I ran.  My Heavenly Father definitely helped me cross the finish line. As I crossed the finish line, I felt exhausted, & one of my teammates was there waiting for me & wrapped me in the biggest h

 Stuck at the seashore. The enemy behind & deep waters ahead.   “Entangled in the land, the wilderness hath shut [me] in.” (Ex. 13:3) What do I do? Lately I am definitely feeling the “bigger kids, bigger problems,” & I have REALLY been missing the days when everything was fixed with a popsicle. Or a bandaid. Or a timeout. When mommy could kiss it better. Parenting is no joke. The responsibility is amazing & terrifying at the same time. One minute I’m a natural, the next I’m completely out of my element. It’s felt very heavy lately & I feel like I’m drowning. Or like I’m walking a tightrope, & the way I handle things right now is gonna make or break the future. Such a delicate, crucial balance. What if I mess up? What if I miss something? How can I be more deliberate? How can I be the best mom I can be for my kids? How do I not fail them? Those beautiful, incredible, imperfect kids… they’re everything. And the words spoken at the seashore sink in my soul: “Fear ye no