For I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m supposed to do something, something personal & something hard. Something I would rather not do!!! I told God: Okay, if you REALLY want me to do it, I’m gonna need you to be, like, REALLY clear. Cause I’m NOT gonna do it if you aren’t!!!

I know, probably not the best way to talk to Him. But I was being honest!

Well, He was very clear today! So clear I had to escape to the bathroom & cry while I digest what this means.

I’ve pushed & pushed it away! But… I need to face it.

Do I have the strength?! 

My younger kids have been in swimming lessons all week, & I can’t stop thinking about them jumping off the diving board for the first time. 

An instructor led each of the kids in their class onto the board, one by one. Some looked a bit cautious, while some were visibly scared, knees wobbling up there above the water.

A second instructor waited in the water for them. Smiling. Nodding. Encouraging. Understanding their fears, but asking them to jump anyway.

I noticed a lady off to the side, watching. Every time a child jumped, she cheered WILDLY.

And then came a little boy who could not bring himself to jump! Finally, bravely, he allowed himself to be gently lowered into the water where waiting arms caught him.

Did he get wild cheers like everyone else? Yes!

I kinda feel like I’m on a diving board gazing into the deep end of the pool. 

I know I gotta jump.

But I’m scared.

And yet:

“Be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you;” (D&C 68:6)

HE IS WITH ME. He is with me in the instructor that holds my hand onto the board. He is with me in the instructor waiting to catch me in the water. He is with me in the lady cheering from the sidelines. He is with me EVEN IF I cannot jump right now, EVEN IF all I can do is be lowered in! Because being brave looks different for everyone. He is there for it!

And so I stand here. Trying to be of good cheer. Trying not to fear. 

Knowing He will stand with me on the edge. 

Knowing He will swim with me in the deep.

“…and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come. (6)