For I Know That My Redeemer Liveth

Today my heart pounded that familiar drumbeat of nerves mixed with the good old spirit of God, but I did not stand. I did not speak. I did not bear testimony.

Though I’ve struggled to keep up with the Old Testament reading, (caught up today though! 🙌) I’ve had many thoughts & feelings & highlighted phrases, intending to write about them. But I did not share. I did not write.

What holds me back? Lack of confidence? Wondering if what I have to say is good enough? If it’ll even make sense? Yeah, I tend to overthink it.

Yet when asked in our church lesson last week: HOW do we prepare our youth to share the gospel? What came to my mind was - help them be articulate! Help them express their feelings about the gospel, practice writing them down, practice opening their mouth.

The funny thing is, I didn’t open my mouth. I sat there with my thoughts about how we should teach our youth to share their thoughts.🤦‍♀️😆

And I didn’t share my testimony today, though the prompting was there.

And I have not been writing much on here- this account that I began 2 years ago for the purpose of becoming more articulate about my spirituality & the gospel.

Do I WANT to be on social media more? Not really!

But do I WANT to be a voice for good & an advocate for Christ here? Yes.

Such is the battle.

But it’s time to stop overthinking. Just do.

Cause today as I sat there, heart pounding- to my surprise I saw my oldest child walk to the front & bear testimony in sacrament meeting for the first time. My brave girl. Standing. Sharing her heart.

Simple. Honest. Pure.

So I go back to the basics. Gonna share what’s in my heart. And what’s in my heart tonight are the words of Job… which is hitting me differently since finding out my dear, amazing grandma passed away an hour ago.💔

“For I know that my redeemer liveth, & that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: Whom I shall see for myself, & mine eyes shall behold” (Job 19:25-27)

I believe those words to be true!

And I have no doubt that my faithful grandma did, too.

And she shall see God. Tonight. ❤️😢

I know He lives. So does she.